Friday, January 11, 2013

Once in a while I get a good hour or 2 of complete & utter peace that I relish the most since it so rarely happens these days. These moments give me the chance to stay still, breathe -- literally & figuratively -- and reflect. I know it sounds corny, but when you get thrown into the chaotic world of motherhood, you'll understand; if you're in it now, then I bet you know exactly what I mean. It's a world of ironies: exhausting yet it gives you a renewed sense of energy; exciting but frightening; it pressures you the most yet fulfills you in so many ways. And just 3 months into it I'm still figuring how to cope.

It's true when they say a great support system works. But I don't have a lot of friends who are mothers, & there are times that it gets hard not having anyone to rant to. I'm the only one among my closest friends who have been blessed with a baby. The few mommy friends that I do have have been at it for years & years now, so we're not exactly on the same chapter since they're facing a different stage in their own kids' lives at present; and by now my mom remembers her own newbie days differently, if she can closely recall it at all.

Most days I have a jungle in my head: I miss working, but I know I'll miss Joaquin more & I'm reminded how I've resolved on staying hands on with him while I have the luxury of time; I continually worry how I can keep up physical, mental & emotional energy for all this, dreading screwing up even in the littlest way; I kid myself about needing more hours in a day to get more done; I try to tick off any original plans we had when Flynn & I got married, but get anxious that there's not much to scratch off the list yet; and more plans pile up by the minute.

So what exactly about these precious instances help? It's the chance to

  • Sit still. Clean your slate. It's re-energizing.
  • Read a book. Take your mind off any stress & any mumbo-jumbo.
  • Pamper yourself. it doesn't have to be in a salon, and can simply mean lathering up & taking that hot shower a bit longer than usual.
  • Indluge. If you especially run through your meals normally, now's the time to savor that ice cream bowl or slowly munch on that chocolate bar. You earned it.

I'm grateful for moments like these though - to take a step back, catch my breath & recount blessings that have come my way. Mini me-times as this one remind me that despite how motherhood has drastically changed my life, I can trust that as long as a clear perspective of myself is intact, I'll be just fine.

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