Que sera sera

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I've come to realize that one of the apparent challenges of motherhood is striking the right balance. You're placed right smack in the middle of so many roles -- wife, mom, daughter, sibling, friend -- and to some extent, you're expected to be successful in being all of these. As if it isn't enough that you're multi-tasking to the nth level,
in some instances, these roles may even clash or compromise each other. Maybe be a good wife, and you risk failing as a daughter; be a dutiful daughter and you sabotage your efficiency as a mom; aspire to be a good mom and you leave yourself behind. It isn't always the case, but I believe at some point, we women encounter this predicament in varying degrees.

It'll probably take a whole lot of years of experience to discover what works best for you. For me, aside from hoping it won't be that long, I'm also hoping I don't let anyone down in the process of learning. I think that's where the anxiety comes from, anyway. Disappointing people. Making them feel as if they aren't as important as the other aspects of my life, when in fact, it's precisely because they all matter so much that difficulty arises.

I guess amidst all of the confusion, I have to keep reminding myself that it is I who shouldn't be lost, not out of selfishness, but out of maintaining a clear perspective on self-worth. It sounds pretty idealistic and easier to say than do, but I believe it could be the groundwork for effectively coping with all the other facets I deal with. We will have to see in the coming days, weeks and months how that pans out for me, won't we?

Most days, I have absolutely no idea how to do things correctly, or what I'm supposed to do in the first place. It's like being on the verge of insanity, I tell 'ya! I'm just grateful I married my best friend and somehow, that makes it better ten-fold. Now I have to think, "how did our mom's do it? how did they get through it all?"Suddenly, I'm in awe and dumbfounded at the same time. My own mom's words come to mind:"You will never understand until you're a mother yourself." She couldn't have said it any better!

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